Beware – the helicopter mom or dad. May we all be fortunate enough to recognize them, and not be them. But, why?
Sure, we all want to protect our children from the dangers of society. We never want them to come into real conflict, nor experience any emotional pain or struggle. We all want their lives to be happier and more fulfilling than ours. But what is the harm in micromanaging our children? What are we sacrificing?
When we stifle our children, we don’t allow them to grow their own wings. It goes hand in hand with the clichébecause-it’s-true phrase, “learning through experience.” ‘Life’ is a learned behavior, which one must experience for themselves. If there is no personal experience, no ability to learn from mistakes, problem-solving, trial and error, etc., there is simply no room for growth. Thus, it is only natural for us to become more and more dependent on the hand that has “controlled” us.
And while they play a crucial part, this production called ‘life’ is no one-man act; it’s an ensemble.
Years back, the Houston Texas Police Department circulated a list to parents in the city known as “The Twelve Rules for Producing Anti-Social and/or Emotionally Disturbed Children.” It’s an entertaining read that will open your eyes to the dangers of the ‘helicopter parent.’
Some standout points found within the text include:
• Begin at infancy to give children everything they want. In this way they will grow up to believe the world owes them a living.
• Avoid using the word “wrong.” It may develop guilt complexes. This will condition them to believe later, when they are arrested for stealing, that society is against them, and they are being persecuted.
• Give them all the spending money they want. Never let them earn their own. Why should they have things as tough as you did?
• Satisfy their every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
• Take their part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are prejudiced against your children.
While the above-listed bullet-points, and those withheld, possess significant value, per the list’s intentional “what no to do” intimations, the last is certainly agreeable and leaves the biggest impression:
• Prepare yourself for a life of grief. You will be likely to have it.
Successful parenting is graded by one’s ability to raise someone who can later blossom into an independent adult – one that can survive autonomously when need be.
The process starts immediately, where we must welcome situations that allow out children, as they grow, to evolve by working through conflicts. If little kids can resolve small-time conflicts, their older selves will be able to thrive under bigtime pressure.
As adults, we know this firsthand. By allowing our children the same space to independently develop that we were afforded or longed for, we – in turn – prepare them for the harsher realities of life that can’t be dealt with through avoidance.
We all also know how much worry comes with the territory. The last thing we want to do is stunt our children’s growth by making our worries for them add to theirs.
It’s not a “rip the Band-Aid of dependability” circumstance, either; it’s a gradual one. The arguably overbearing “helicopter parent” doesn’t love their children more than we do, nor do we love them more than they; he or she just might have an inability to “let go,” which is ultimately a personal issue that is projected onto their children.
A parent is a guide – not the conductor. We can still soak up every second, and love them unconditionally, without taking sole responsibility because we insisted on having a controlling stake in every avenue of their lives. We know this, while also upholding the desire to subliminally offer them the world and more through relentless support and wisdom.
In a perfect world, they’d realize not to take us – and what we’ve done for them – for granted. In reality, so long as you give with a life lessons baked-in agenda and not just give blindly, we know they won’t.
