If you have kids, any age or ages will suffice, and you also have aging parents, then you are an honorary member of the “sandwich generation.”
Members of the sandwich generation have the honor of balancing and prioritizing obligations for both their children and one or both parents at the same time. You are “sandwiched” in-between the two generations, including all the challenges and demands that go along with this interesting phenomenon.
Current demographics tell us that 47 % of adults in their 40s and 50s have a parent 65 or older, while also raising a youngster or assisting a grown child. The pandemic has added to the demands.
There are many varieties of the sandwich generation. You may have children under the age of 17 who are preparing for work or college, while your parents need minimal assistance with shopping or home maintenance. Or perhaps you have children who are in their 30s but need financial assistance with student loans or buying a home. By now, your parents require close supervision or assistance with medical visits, home modification or shopping.
While being sandwiched can be stressful, statistics also show there are financial burdens as well. For example, managing your own finances, while at the same time making sure your children and parents are on sound footing as well.
Here are some examples:
• Assisting our children with college or paying off student loans
• Assisting with the purchase of a first home or rental payments
• Assisting with the cost of a wedding
Some examples of assisting an aging parent, aunt or uncle include:
• Providing or arranging for transportation to / from medical appointments
• Arranging for grocery deliveries
• Arranging for personal assistance if needed for dressing or bathing
• Assisting with financial matters, estate planning, insurance matters and medications
The pressures facing the Sandwich Generation can make their way into the workplace in the forms of absenteeism, decreased productivity or increased turnover, especially for women, who tend to assume much of the caregiving for parents.
With Long Island being as expensive as it is, more post-college children are returning home to live with their parents until they can afford their own home or apartment. Estimates show that almost 30% of 25–34-year-olds now reside with their parents. Essentially, this leaves parents addressing many of their children’s financial burdens in addition to tending to other responsibilities, such as planning for retirement.
The “double duty” of helping our children while taking care of our aging parents can become overwhelming. Thus, the sandwich is a panini, famous for being squeezed on both sides. The toll is both physical and emotional. The pandemic only made a difficult situation worse. As employees found themselves working from home, and in-school learning was shutting down, many parents found themselves responsible for their kid’s day care, as well as at-home learning. In addition, children needed focused support to navigate feelings of anxiety stemming from the pandemic and their inability to interact with friends and classmates face-to-face.
As for older loved ones, there was a higher risk from COVID-19 as well as becoming socially isolated while the pandemic raged. To manage this, members of the sandwich generation found themselves looking after their welfare closely.
Those living at home, but isolated, required assistance with groceries, getting to doctor appointments, picking up meds, and of course scheduling COVID-19 vaccinations. Losing a loved one to the virus was traumatic, and the effects are still ongoing.
Any prolonged period in the “sandwich” can lead to:
• Feelings of frustration and pressure while juggling and multi-tasking
• Personal health problems caused by lack of rest
• Associated guilt if you can’t get as much done as you would like to
• Eventual burnout
For “sandwiches,” the good news is you’re not alone. There is support and advice available to manage this demanding and financially complex period.
When attempting to manage this difficult time, consider a plan that can both consolidate and delegate your responsibilities. Think long-term; the sandwich is typically a marathon, not a sprint.
If you find yourself in the position of assisting your children, use constructive advice to point them in the right direction. Consider “how to” books for certain projects, encourage seeking financial expertise to save money and pay down debt, refer to other family members when appropriate, and of course, step in when necessary to assist. Explain how you managed a similar project or challenge yourself and set a good example to follow.
Be the “roadmap,” not the road.
As for the top of the sandwich, your aging parents, sit down with them and discuss family and community resources that are available that can take some of the pressure off you. Most town and county governments have an office of the aging, and local libraries occasionally sponsor workshops on this subject as well. There are elder attorneys who specialize in financial matters including estate planning. This discussion will set the stage for what is to come, including a plan to keep them safe and well cared for.
If you have safety concerns for a parent living alone, consider installing a medical alert system. The system operator can then communicate with the person in distress, assess the situation, and alert the proper authorities.
Arranging for home care for a parent in decline is a good option and most physicians are totally supportive of referring for services, which can include an RN, a home health aide and a physical therapist. The PT can provide exercises and make recommendations for needed adaptive equipment. Examples could include an assistive device for ambulation or a shower bench to make bathing easier and safer. In some cases, it may be necessary to sell the primary home.
If you have the space, and both you and your dependent parent agree, consider having them move in with you to increase the convenience of caring for or providing supervision for their care. This arrangement also has the added benefit of consolidating expenses, such as utilities and taxes. For delegation, ask other family members to share the task of caring for grandma or grandpa. Selling the former home can free up cash.
Stay organized and keep good records, especially for dependent parents or other relatives. A journal for caregivers to communicate with each other and a calendar for appointments are valuable. Also, keep track of expenses and receipts. You may be entitled to tax breaks for providing personal care.
Once you’ve maximized consolidation of your responsibilities and delegated as much as you can, don’t be afraid to set boundaries as to what you can reasonably manage. As you navigate this trying period, be sure to include enough down time to do the things you enjoy and never hesitate to ask for help when necessary. The sandwich can be managed with some effort and planning.
